Friends.

I've been meaning to update this thing for awhile now, just haven't had the time. I'm apparently more active now than I was as a guy. And much more to accomplish too. It wasn't so long ago that sedentary activities filled in a sort of morbid boredom. Now, when I'm not fairly exhausted, I have too much to do for the immediate future.

The biggest difference recently has been coming out to the rest of my friends. I've pretty much told everyone except for my family and work and its actually been extremely cathartic and gratifying experience all around. Everyone has been perfectly fine with it, I have not lost a single friend, and in many ways I feel closer to most of them because i can finally let them know me. There hasn't been anyone who has tried to talk me out of it. One friend asked me questions in a devil's advocate type way, and having had decades to think about this I think I had some good answers for him. His concern was that he liked Joe as a person and that he would be upset if I threw that away with contempt. I explained to him that Joe the persona wasn't really a person and that I have only one personality, but the face I've been putting on all these years was more of a defense mechanism than my full personality. This seemed to make sense.

It was difficult getting over my initial fear, but that increasingly faded as I told more people and socialized with them. Another hard part is that it sort of feels like meeting yourself. You show all your friends one persona whom they get to know, and when you show them your new one, the reflection of your old persona is cast back at you. When both halves of yourself meet this way, only one can survive, and i think my new persona will eventually win out in the perceptions both myself and my friends. The clash in the mean time can be somewhat uncomfortable sometimes. It's very much worth it, and valuable to resolving who and what I really am.

I think much of my success so far might have to do with two main factors. The first is just having great friends, which is probably most of this game. The other is that I seem noticeably happier and more social as Shannon then ever as a guy. And for any friends who happen to stumble across this post, I hope they know how their acceptance makes me thankful beyond words.

Many of my friends have known me as Joe for decades. To expect them to see me as female overnight I think is a fairly unrealistic goal. And not even really the most important to me. While several have completely embraced the new me by calling me Shannon and actually treating me differently (in a good way), there are a good number who still call me Joe and treat me exactly as they did before. While it would just be the tits if everyone would see me as I wish to be seen, I'm honestly extremely grateful that this revelation does not effect how some of my friends think of me at all. I think that's more important. Maybe in the future I will earn from them the perspective I would most want. However, I would never dream of insisting. As far as what to call me I tell everyone to call me as they see me and that they can even call me "asshole" if they want (so long as i know they're talking to me). If they can be tolerant of me I think it's only fair to forgive most jokes, honest frank opinions and refusals to use my chosen name. I've always been fairly difficult to offend and probably as a result, very few people try.

So, for the most part, only my family and job is left to tell. I plan on getting a better job. That's also when I plan on telling my family. I may tell them sooner though because the closer I get to full time, the more the obstacles in the way become less effective at impeding me.